I dreamed last night.

I stood in a field torn up by battle. I could see the wounded and the dying. The dead and the rotting. I had seen battlefields before. If I squinted I swore I could see the  hopefully-not-still form of a great red dragon. A hobbling man. Two blue eyes and frost covered armor. Gold eyes. They all moved, close enough to see some details, far enough I could not confirm what they were.

Somethine stood beside me. They wore a cloak but the more I tried to focus on them and what was beneath the hood, the less I could find of her. Him? They were not young. They had the feeling of someone who has seen more than I ever could. Much good and bad, all intermixed and leaving a feeling of deep sorrow and pain. I licked my lips, feeling the metal piercing in my tongue rub against the roof of my mouth.  The smell of the battlefield reached me but the hooded figure motioned, gesturing towards it all.

Alexander  moved along the battlefield, casually holding his long polearm over his shoulder. His armor was covered in ice so thick I could barely see the metal plate beneath. Where he stepped he left ice in their wake. Despite the battlefield he were smiling and at ease. With a smile e stepped off opposing edges of the battlefield and simply…vanished. Reynllin was there as well in his true form and where the great red dragon set his claws the death and rot vanished. Forests rose up, flowers springing from the ground to fill the air with their cloying fragrance. Reynllin shifted to his elven form and walked into the trees he had created as he walked.  He met Rai’thas at the far end of the field. The sun brightened as Rai’thas raised his hands and they danced over flowers as the ice melted and made streams.

The bodies that had been covered in ice melted away with the stream, feeding the plants and trees. The ones Reynllin had passed were now home to ivy and morning glories. 

I turned my attention away from them all. Solidor wandered where the ice, flowers and trees did not touch. But where he stayed death remained. Flowers wilted and froze in his presence, Rai’thas’s light faded. Even as he grew closer to me I felt no fear. I stood there and waited.

Not all ends are beginnings, the cloaked figure never spoke I word but I heard it in my soul and knew it to be the truth. 

I didn’t know if this was an end. It did not bother me like it should have to see death, the flowers and plants wilting and dying, the Light fading.

I knew where I went I carried the Light with me. But I also knew when the Light faded this time the dark would consume me. I couldn’t fight against it. I have in the past called upon the Light to deliver harm. But now I could not do so any longer. 

Do no harm. I felt amusement radiate from the cloaked figure. Does do no harm mean to roll over and die?

Rai’thas stopped dancing with Reynllin and grasped Alexander’s hand. Reynllin disappeared in the trees with the twins. Solidor turned, leaving a trail of ice behind him that was so thick that when the ice cracked it sounded like bones.

The Light faded to the point I could see fingers of darkness swallowing it up, eating everything Rai’thas, Alexander, Reynllin, and Solidor had done. 

“No.” The figure never spoke but I could both hear and not hear them. Their words reverberated in my soul. “Adrianal would not, I would not either.” 

What then, will you do as the darkness seeks to swallow you whole? As it breaks your bones, slices into your flesh, and takes your lifesblood? Will you stay there and pray for the dark as it feasts on you?

The words made me bristle. I would not die so easily. I do not- have not- hated easily. But I hated the images those words invoked. I hated them with a passion. I raised my hand, knowing the Light would come again. It would come and it would burn the darkness like the fires of the sun. I would not go peacefully into the long night. I knew this was not real but I knew the fires would consume me as well as the dark.

A gloved hand reached out to hold the hand I was going to raise. Then the gloves were gone, showing off Thanelor’s cursed hand. His eyes bored into me, solemn. He stood straight, despite the fake leg. Strong, and gentle, and patient. But he would break like glass if the fire consumed me. I tried to pull my hand away. I did not want him to come with me, but neither would I die in the way the figure spoke.

But try as I might his hand held mine, as immobile as a mountain and his arm wrapped around my waist like the heaviest chains. I could talk to him and plead. But he would not be cast aside or let me go.

He had told me once it would break him if I died.

Heal or fight. Fight or heal. You pick one or the other. There is more than just that. 

The figure was right. Though I had struggled to channel the Light in such a manner. It felt to close to my vows to break.

The darkness has consumed almost everything now. There was no chance for Thanelor to escape with his leg as it was. The others were able to leave. But Thanelor and I could not. Thanelor’s hand went to his waist where a sheathed dagger lay and without seeing it I knew he would not go quietly. He’d try to defend us both. But the dark would consume us in the end.

Do you fear death?

I did not.

Why hesitate? Why stand there and let the both of you die, let your other loved ones die? Maybe becoming a priest was wrong- you should have never set foot on a battlefield if you aren’t willing to do what’s needed.

I hated that figure. I hated it. The dark crept closer.

Poor Altruist. Dying because they won’t  defend themselves. The Light chose poorly.

Anger rose up in me. I would not die. I would not.

The figure held out my halo to me. Then defend yourself. 

I took what was mine. I had earned this halo. I had let the Light and it change me, mold me anew to get the strength I needed to save my son. It was MINE. By faith, by the blood I spilt, by the very sacrifices I had made it was MINE. The halo began to glow brightly once more, gently pushing the darkness back without harming it. A shield.

It reminded me briefly of Aestus’s shield. But the thought was soon pushed away as I set the halo on my head. The darkness was not defeated. But I pushed it back. It did me no harm, but neither did I do it any. 

I woke up with my skin feeling like ice and Thanelor’s head on my chest. I felt the anger in my chest still. Righteous anger stoked to life once more in my chest.

I knew then in the small apartment and I still know now how to call upon it. I had forgotten what it was to truly summon the Light with anger and no intent to harm. I have always been so careful to keep neutral. Now, I could feel it again.

And now I will not let it go. I remember what I had forgotten. What I buried beneath my desire to heal.

I do not know what else to write. But now I am glad I have not forgotten.